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In my last post Moving Through The Dark Room Of Grief I described how it felt for me to be in the throes of profound and uncontrollable sadness likening it to walking into a dark and scary room and not finding your way out of it. 

The post was very hard to write but it was something I felt that I needed to write as this was what I was going through at the time and it was my hope that writing about it would allow me to find my way out.

Since then, I have been taking some small (but very important) steps to see myself clear of the darkness and it’s those steps that have enabled me to find the door that leads to the other side. I am now walking through the door and into the light.

The first step was to get professional help. Simple as that. 

Friends and family are wonderful to talk to because they will always listen and offer their advice, but there is nothing more powerful than dumping your emotional stuff onto someone who doesn’t know you from a bar of soap and in return, they offer fresh new perspectives, insights and objectivity on the very stuff that has been swimming around inside your head.

The second step was to re-establish some routines in my life.

I know I have written about it before but I’m always amazed how easy it is to let my guard down and allow myself to slip into bad habits again, like living on autopilot, not getting enough sleep, not exercising, not writing.

It’s like I have an internal map to the path of less resistance in my life and through not being careful and vigilant, I find myself back on that path time and time again, without me even realising it.

For me, routines are designed to stop the constant merry-go-round of being in and not being in the driver’s seat of my life that I find myself in. They act as an anchor that grounds me, that sets up my day right, that allows myself to “be” on purpose, not by accident.

My routines are still being developed and refined (as they will always be a work in progress) but over the last month I am sleeping better and feeling stronger mentally and physically.

The third step was to start writing about it again.

When I initially paused and reflected on my adventures in the dark room, I realised that I wasn’t writing anymore. 

I had stopped my daily journal, I had stopped my blogging, I had in fact stopped all forms of taking what is swimming around in my head and recreating it external from my person so I can have some distance and therefore a fresher perspective on what is going on.

All of this has shown me how important the act of writing is to me. Whether the outcome is songs, blogs, private journal entries or everything in between, writing everything down is essential to my existence. 

Writing helps me to make sense of it all. Most importantly, it helps me to examine what it means to be me.

Right now I feel like I’m on a path of rediscovery. I’m going over old ground but with a fresh set of eyes and ears which in turn changes my perspective towards the positive and as I now walk through the door and into the light on the other side of the darkness, I remind myself that the smallest of changes can make the biggest of differences.

All I’ve got to do is put one foot in front of the other (hmmm, I reckon there’s a song in that).

Peace,

Corey 🙂

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Be yourself. Everyone else is taken

Oscar Wilde

Did you know that YOU are the only YOU that exists right now? Did you also know that YOU are the only YOU that has ever existed and will ever exist?

Think about that for just a moment…

This means that from the time the universe came into being 13.8 billion years ago until the last supermassive black hole has evaporated (in about 10^100 years) there will only ever be one of YOU.

Very recently the Earth’s population surpassed 8 billion people and out of all those people, only one of them is YOU.

Did you know that the number of people that have ever existed on this planet since the dawn of human history is estimated to be around 117 billion but still, out of all those people, only one of them is YOU.

To put things into a greater perspective, it is said that the odds of YOU being created as uniquely YOU (and not your siblings, if you have any) via your parents’ egg and sperm joining together is a staggering 1 in 400 quadrillion (that’s 400,000,000,000,000,000,000).

To expand this even further, as YOU represent an unbroken lineage of around 150K generations that go all the way back to single celled organisms, the odds of 150K generations of successful fertilisation to ensure that YOU exist right now is a staggering 1 in 10^2,685,000 (10 followed by 2,685,000 zeros)

That’s not bad considering that the estimated number of atoms in the universe is around 10^80 atoms. When you think about it… YOU are the greatest miracle that exists today.

So, what does this all mean? 

Well, it means that if YOU are the only YOU that exists, has ever existed and will ever exist then, everything that makes up YOU, being your experiences, your childhood, the different environments you’ve lived in and the choices that you’ve made, will be completely and uniquely YOU.

This also means that your perspectives on life, your thoughts and feelings, your values and judgements, your views of the world and what you create from all of that will also be completely and uniquely YOU.

So think about that the next time you stare at the blank piece of paper before you start writing or, the blank canvas before you start painting or, a random lump of clay before you start sculpting or, an empty DAW before you start recording because YOU are the originality of your songs, painting, writing, sculpture or anything that you create and don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise.

Peace,

Corey 🙂

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Now that today is the first day of 2023, I thought I’d start off the year on a positive note and list five things in 2022 that I’m thankful for.

I’m sure that if I thought about it a bit more I’d come up with a bigger list than the five things below but, I reckon it’s a good start.

The Great Move Of 2022

Every day I am thankful for the fact that I had the courage to sell up and move down to the Fleurieu eventually ending up at Yankalilla.

It would’ve been easy to have the thoughts of moving but not act on them but thankfully I didn’t listen to my fear.

I also had Mara’s voice in my head egging me on and for anyone who knew Mara, she was a very persuasive individual and for that alone, I am thankful.

My Family

I wouldn’t be where I am now if I wasn’t able to stay with Mum and Dad for all that time I was looking for a house.

It gave me an opportunity to not worry about the rental transition between one house to another and it gave my dog Charlie a lot of room to move around as our old place had no real yard to speak of.

My sister and her tribe plus my extended family have all made sure that I know they have my back with everything that has happened to me plus the choices I have made over the last 3 years or so.

For their unconditional love and support, I am truly thankful.

Charlie The Groodle

Speaking about Charlie, I am so thankful that I have him around to remind me that life is not all about the self, it’s also about looking after others.

Being a fur-parent has taught me a lot of lessons about responsibility and mindfulness that I would otherwise have missed out on as I don’t have children of my own.

For that I’m also thankful.

He makes me laugh and at the same time frustrates the hell out of me. He is the perfect way for me to learn more about myself.

My Friends

As well as my family, my friends are the people that makes life worth living and are one of the reasons that I get out of bed in the morning.

As a songwriter and musician, most of my friends are in the music industry but there are other friends who aren’t musicians and they really give me well rounded perspective on the world through the lives that they lead and the conversations that we have.

I am thankful for each and every one of my friends (you all know who you are).

My Music

Where would I be without music? I ask myself this question from time to time and I can’t really come up with an answer.

Or, maybe I don’t want to come with an answer at all. It’s just too scary to think about as music is what I am, not what I do.

Very soon I’ll be treading the boards again either as a solo artist or in a duo and this time around I will not be taking the opportunities presented to me or the audiences that I’ll find myself playing in front of for granted.

I am thankful that I have the ability to either work from home either in a recording or web development capacity or work as a professional gigging musician performing my own music or a hybrid between my songs and covers.

2023 is the year that I truly back myself and my abilities to ensure that I create the life that I want to live by doing the things that are necessary for this creative life to happen.

What things have happened to you in 2022 that you are thankful for? Let me know, I’d love to have a chat about it with you.

Peace,

Corey 🙂

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Today is June 1st which means it’s the first day of Winter which also means that most people in the world who realise this will say to themselves “Is it really June already? Wow! Where’s the time gone?”

This is because we all live busy lives and we tend to not pay close attention to what it is that we do on a day to day basis. One day of inattention after another later and… We end up in June already wondering what the hell just happened.

We all collectively need to “stop and smell the roses” so to speak. We need to stop rushing around, take a deep breathe and be still for a moment.

We need to do this so we can all gain a bit of perspective on life and I think this video below is one of the best ways for us to do this.

This video the “pale blue dot” showcases one of the most beautifully eloquent monologues on our existence I’ve ever heard, narrated by one of the most brilliant minds of our time, Carl Sagan.

I thought I’d put it up here as a reminder of what’s really important in this world we live in.

The ONLY world that we live in.

I can’t help but shed a little tear every time I see this because for me, this is the ultimate reality check.

Gives you something to think about doesn’t it?

Peace,

Corey 🙂

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Musicians don’t retire, they just change direction and get more picky and choosy about what they want to be doing plus…

They don’t give a fuck about what people think of them and their music anymore.

Right now, we’re approaching the halfway point of May, which means that we’re almost at the end of the 2020/2021 financial year, which means it’s almost tax time (something that I’m preparing for at this moment) plus, it’s been just over four months since I turned 50.

For me, turning 50 was the start of me looking back on my life and asking myself questions such as…

  • Am I getting too old for this music caper?
  • What have/haven’t I achieved to date?
  • What am I going to do next with my music/life?

Now, to some, these questions are necessary because self reflection is an important part of growing as an individual but I reckon in my case, this line of self talk has been designed by my inner critic to derail and sabotage any attempt of me taking some sort of leap of faith in 2021.

This is of course cleverly done under the guise of “being realistic” which as we all know is the nemesis of all optimists like myself.

I’ve noticed that as they get older, there are some musicians that turn to genres like Country, or Blues, (or Roots, or Urban Folk, or Americana, or whatever the fad/flavour is for this year) as a means to “musically retire.”

While all of the above-mentioned genres have their place to fill inside the wonderful musical landscape that we all live in, retiring to these genres would be for me the musical equivalent of putting on a dressing gown, slipping on some comfortable slippers and watching TV for the rest of my life.

No, I don’t think so, not for me…

If I was going to musically retire, I want to become an ambient musician. I would be retiring by composing and performing ambient music, soundscapes and the like. I want to walk the path that sonic pioneers like Brian Eno has been walking on for decades.

That’s where I see myself in the latter stages of my music career.

However, besides my post-birthday contemplations, I was also inspired to write this because of a YouTube video created by brilliant ambient musician Bill Vencil from Chords Of Orion and Chords Of Orion – Longplay called “You Will Become An Old Musician (Bring It On)” a perfect response to a negative comment he received about how some musicians are supposedly TOO OLD for YouTube.

I had been following Chords Of Orion for a fair while now but it wasn’t until I saw the above video that I decided to really get into what the channel was about… Ambient Music and the creation of it.

Anyways, what I’ve gathered from all of this is that there is no such thing as musical retirement. Music (and the creation of it) transcends age and therefore it also transcends the self imposed limitations around age that I sometimes put myself through.

I am so glad I am the age I am, with the knowledge and experience that I have and the ability to create music with all of those tools at my disposal. I look at 2021 and beyond with excitement knowing that there’s going to be some wonderful music yet to be created.

Robert Fripp said it best when he described music as the “…wine that fills the cup of silence.” I say that for me, the best is yet to come.

Peace,

Corey 🙂

PS: As I’m writing this I have Brian Eno’s “New Space Music” humming along in the background and I’m loving it. It’s so conducive to creation, I’m surprised I didn’t click onto this before.