Where do I begin?
The last couple of weeks have been particularly hard on me emotionally and it’s only now that I’m starting to come out the other side of it.
The reason for this was with everything that has happened over the past couple of years, the only thing that was left after distracting myself with selling the house in Adelaide, moving to Goolwa, putting stuff in storage, looking for a place, finding it, going through the process of buying it, initial renovations, moving in, setting everything up and getting back to work again…
It was like one day I was doing ok and then the next day. BANG!
This wave of absolute sadness which seemed to come from deep inside me, from a bottomless pit, just wiped me out. It was a sadness so visceral I could almost carve it with a knife.
After the initial wave, I was presented with an open door in which I had no choice but to walk through into a dark room.
That was my grief and I had to face it… Head on.
I had been floundering around in this room for the last fortnight but it’s been only in the last couple of days where I have started to see the light peeking through the cracks in the walls signifying a way out.
I’m now feeling like I’m coming out the other side of this. Much to my relief.
Before I made the move down South, I went through some pretty intense grief counselling which addressed a lot of unresolved feelings and regrets.
This enabled me to develop a much healthier relationship with my grief but I wasn’t aware that this journey with my grief wasn’t to end there. But I thought it did. I thought I was good. How wrong I was.
So where to now? Well, I’m starting to write again, that’s a start. I’m starting to pay attention to the things that I do on a day to day basis, my routines and my rituals.
I’m starting to re-examine my life again and this time, I’m doing what the cliches tell me to do… “Take it one day at a time.”
It’s been over two and a half months since I last posted here and I’m glad I’ve started again. I can feel the recovery with every stroke of the pen and every click of the keyboard I make.
And lastly, I thank you, dear reader, for being the very reason why I write.