Moving Through The Dark Room Of Grief

Where do I begin? 

The last couple of weeks have been particularly hard on me emotionally and it’s only now that I’m starting to come out the other side of it.

The reason for this was with everything that has happened over the past couple of years, the only thing that was left after distracting myself with selling the house in Adelaide, moving to Goolwa, putting stuff in storage, looking for a place, finding it, going through the process of buying it, initial renovations, moving in, setting everything up and getting back to work again… 

Was grief.

It was like one day I was doing ok and then the next day. BANG!

This wave of absolute sadness which seemed to come from deep inside me, from a bottomless pit, just wiped me out. It was a sadness so visceral I could almost carve it with a knife.

After the initial wave, I was presented with an open door in which I had no choice but to walk through into a dark room. 

That was my grief and I had to face it… Head on

I had been floundering around in this room for the last fortnight but it’s been only in the last couple of days where I have started to see the light peeking through the cracks in the walls signifying a way out.

I’m now feeling like I’m coming out the other side of this. Much to my relief.

Before I made the move down South, I went through some pretty intense grief counselling which addressed a lot of unresolved feelings and regrets.

This enabled me to develop a much healthier relationship with my grief but I wasn’t aware that this journey with my grief wasn’t to end there. But I thought it did. I thought I was good. How wrong I was.

So where to now? Well, I’m starting to write again, that’s a start. I’m starting to pay attention to the things that I do on a day to day basis, my routines and my rituals. 

I’m starting to re-examine my life again and this time, I’m doing what the cliches tell me to do… “Take it one day at a time.”

It’s been over two and a half months since I last posted here and I’m glad I’ve started again. I can feel the recovery with every stroke of the pen and every click of the keyboard I make.

And lastly, I thank you, dear reader, for being the very reason why I write.

Peace,

Corey 🙂

6 Comments

  1. Hi Corey I did wonder if you were okay because you hadn’t written anything for a while. Positive thoughts your way. Take care one day at a time. You will get through , you are strong and you have people around you to lean on.
    Take care mate.
    Bev

    1. Thanks Bev, my apologies for the delay in getting back to you. Thank you also for your kind words and for your patience. This “one day at a time” thing is a challenge but if I’m to get to the other side, it is what I must do. I hope all is well with you 🙂

  2. In the cartoon Peanuts they said “there are no good griefs”! Disagree, as a grief veteran I have learned to value my grief. It has been an experience to treasure, to even wallow in at times,mostly with good grief music! It softens then returns with a slam unexpectedly. Sending you love and strength dear Corey Xxx Deborah Somes

  3. Thanks Deborah, a good friend once told me that “grief is the price you pay for love.” If that’s the case then I’ll take the grief any day. Grief teaches you how to truly feel and it’s all part of the human condition… whether we like it or not. X

  4. Dear Corey, you are not alone. Such a heartfelt piece of writing touches us all and sometimes writing in itself is a healing tool. I wrote a song recently called Out of the Darkness, a theme I always seem to return to, a journey we are all on. There are no easy answers. You take every day as it comes. It seems darkness and light walk hand in hand and ultemately we are all in this together. Take care my friend until we meet again. Love David and Anna xx

    1. You are so right David and Anna, in fact I’m currently working on the lyrics to a song inspired by the post. It’s amazing where inspiration can take you but yes, one day at a time. Sounds like a cliche but then again it’s the truth. I hope the both of you are well… Corey 🙂 x

      PS: Love to hear you song “Out Of The Darkness”

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