Today marks six months since my wife Mara passed away from cancer on November 22nd, 2020 and not a day goes by that I don’t think of her and how much joy she has brought to my life.
Lately I’ve been asking myself the question “what have I learned from the last six months?” Of course I’m still processing all of this and will continue to do so for a long time. I mean that’s what grief is I suppose, but what I have noticed lately is that…
- Life is far too short for me to be waiting for permission to do something with it
- Fear is all in my head
- I suffer fools even less gladly than I normally would
- People spend too much time complaining about first world problems
Now, I haven’t written any songs since completing the FAWM 14 Songs In 28 Days Songwriting Challenge (which was a wonderfully cathartic experience), but I wanted to show you this, the most recent song I’ve written.
It’s called My Last Goodbye.
This is a song I’m pretty proud of and it really encapsulates my feelings for our relationship and how I’m feeling about everything now plus, the bassline is pretty cool too.
Seriously though, this is what songwriting is about for me, putting into a song what I would normally find difficult to put into words and My Last Goodbye is a great example of this.
My Last Goodbye
© 28/2/2021 C. Stewart
If I looked up to the nights sky
And counted all of the stars
It would never get me closer
Closer to where you are
If I stood beside the ocean
And stared at the horizon
The expanse of what’s before me
Is so small compared to my love
There is nothing I can take
For this loneliness inside
There is nowhere I can run to
And nowhere I can hide
Everywhere I look I’m finding
Reminders of your life
I guess it’s time for me now
To say my last goodbye
If I had a go reciting
All the digits that made up Pi
There’d be not enough numbers
To describe the love of you and I
If I could travel through time
I’d go back to where we started
Just reliving every moment
As if we never parted
I can now feel myself just lifting my eyes up from the fog a bit and take my first steps back out into the real world. And what have I noticed? Well, nothing much has changed, the sun still rises in the morning and the world is still going about its daily business.
This has shown me that regardless of what is going on for me, life continues to go on. So I will continue my life’s journey, one day at a time and with one foot in front of the other as this is what Mara would’ve wanted me to do.
But I still miss her… Always.